Hello from Ireland! And thank you for visiting! I am a Radical Forgiveness Master Coach, mindfulness instructor and, more recently, have found that people are turning to me for spiritual mentorship. The latter is a natural outcome of my lifelong search for meaning and purpose.
From childhood, I always felt there was a deeper meaning to my life than could be found in the world around me. And, looking back, the first clear memories of that inner knowing were inspired by the poetry I studied in school when I was about 17.
For example, from Wordsworth’s poem Tintern Abbey, where he described his mystical experience of nature, and he wrote:
“We are laid asleep in body, and become a living soul. While with an eye made quiet by the power of harmony and the deep power of joy we see into the life of things.”
Longing for Union with Source or God
That appealed to the idealistic, mystical side of my nature, a longing for union with Source or God or whatever term you want to use. I knew it was part of my destiny to reach for that union. It was very tempting though for me to favor that union with Source in an escapist kind of way, attempting to avoid the challenges of everyday life, such as relationships and practicalities such as handling money for example. For many years, it was as though my “spiritual” life was in one comfortable compartment, a kind of comfort zone, to which I would retreat, as a way of avoiding the messiness of human life and interactions.
Really all my life I’ve been searching for truth, with one step leading to another. I learnt something from everything I’ve done and the people I met along the way, both from those who inspired me and, perhaps even more so, from those who pushed my buttons! Spiritual groups can be a minefield for interpersonal and power struggles.
Groups as Learning Arenas
I’ve gone to many a workshop looking for love, light and peace, hoping and expecting to escape from everyday life challenges, to find that mystical state which attracted me so much. But, instead, I would find myself being triggered by at least one or two people in the group. And what was puzzling initially was how it was often over something very minor. Even though it was very trivial, but it was more than enough to unsettle me.
It took me a long time to cop on to why this was happening. It was very easy to slip into victim mode and think that someone or something was attacking me. There must be something wrong with the teacher or the other people in the group. It couldn’t be me, poor me! And, of course, it was always their fault! It’s only over the last few years I’ve understood some of the dynamics of what I was experiencing in these groups.
People join groups or workshops with the highest intentions of spiritual awakening. But, as with me, there can also be a wish to bypass the necessary but often messy work of being honest with ourselves, of being accountable, of taking responsibility for the life we manifest.
The World is as We Are
One of my meditation teachers used to say; “The world is as we are.”
The poet John Milton wrote: “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”
“Nothing outside yourself can save you; nothing outside yourself can give you peace. But this also means that nothing outside yourself can hurt you, or disturb your peace, or upset you in any way.” ACIM W.70
Those statements can still hit me like thunderbolts. Intellectually I understand them, and I definitely agree with them in principle. But integrating them into my everyday life can be another story! And I’ve been privileged to work with so many people who are willing to look at their own unwillingness. The very looking is the start of loosening the grip of our encrusted habits and attitudes.
I’d even say that one of the core elements of my growth has been to be willing to take that on board, to be very self-honest when I get into the victim-victimizer blame game which is so easy to slip into.
Dark Nights of the Soul
The most intense dark night of my soul was around 2012 when a spiritual group situation became chaotic. I was at the receiving end of much unkindness. I was labelled and ostracized as being “on the dark side.” While I found this difficult, the wiser part me knew that this was happening for a reason. I was not a victim, no matter stubbornly my personality (small ‘s’) self wanted to luxuriate in victimhood. And it was also time to be honest with myself. I realized that I was doing some of the same things to others as I felt were being done to me.
Enter Radical Forgiveness
This is when I came across the system of Radical Forgiveness, created by Colin Tipping, and which I still work with to this day. RF offers processes that helped me to move from the victim mindset I was in to letting go of grievances, including against myself in the form of guilt. The hardest person to forgive is usually ourselves! It helped me to understand the higher purpose for my life experiences, including the difficult ones.
It takes great courage and integrity to make the transition from Victimland to genuine self-sovereignty. We’re not talking about an overnight transition here! Rather, it can be the work of a lifetime. It certainly has been for me, and I’m learning! And I have the greatest respect for people I work with who are willing to make that transition. It’s a transition to greater peace and freedom. However, it means being willing to let go of the comfort zones of blaming others for our problems.
It ultimately means that you can’t blame anyone else for anything in your life. A teacher I had used to say: “The world does not come AT me, but THROUGH me.”
And, for me, that is a core aspect of Essential Wellbring.
Back to Simplicity
Along my journey, I’ve explored interdimensional structure, planetary alignments and all manner of lofty and idealistic thought systems, each of which has its place. I’ve studied and practised Reiki healing, color and sound therapy, astrology, counselling, coaching, Radical Forgiveness.
“The longest way round is the shortest way home.” C. S. Lewis
But now I’ve come back to a place of greater simplicity, reminiscent of T.S. Eliot’s
“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.”