Coaching
One of the most fulfilling aspects of my life is being a witness to people’s authentic growth. As a coach, my contribution is to be a sounding board and witness. Coaching creates a safe environment where people can let go of some of the defences which we have all built up over the years. These defences were necessary at the time, just to survive.
But at some stage of our awakening, we realize more and more that, ultimately, nothing “out there” has the power to upset or disturb us unless we give it that power. That requires us to be willing to look within, and gradually to acknowledge that the world we see and experience is an outward picture of our inward condition.
That’s easy to say, just as phrases like we are co-creating our reality trip easily off the tongue. But the rubber meets the road when we it’s time to recognize how our attitudes, beliefs and experiences are not the result of what seems to happen to us. They are more like the blueprint from which our “outer” life emanates.
I’ve sometimes cringed when my inner knowing bids me to move from a stance of “this is happening to me” to grudgingly admitting that maybe I’m happening to it! But it’s always worth it, leading to greater clarity and peace.
This is one aspect of the classic Dark Night of the Soul, which I’ve written about here.
If any of this makes sense to you, or rings even a very subtle bell, then please get in touch with me at rosaleentobin@gmail.com to arrange a complimentary half-hour session.
At a Crossroads?
At a crossroads? Need to step back and regroup? Finding it hard to hear yourself think?
Coaching is essentially a conversation – that is, a dialogue between you and your coach.
A coaching space is one in which you can peel back the layers of the roles you play, the “stuff” in your life, and anything that has prevented you from trusting your own inner guidance.
The focus of coaching is on whatever is most important to you. Your coach provides the essential assistance, support and encouragement for you to ask the right questions for you and design an action-plan that is tailor-made by, and for, you.
Small changes, if properly targeted, can have far-reaching results.
Hearing yourself think
“How can I know what I think if I don’t hear myself say it?” Charles Handy
Can you remember a time when someone was completely present to you? Maybe you could hear yourself think. Perhaps you felt heard.
You very likely understood yourself and your life more clearly.
In a quiet room you can hear a whisper. In the presence of respectful, generous listening, it feels like you can breathe again.
There is a space for you to get back in touch with yourself. You gain perspective on your life: its challenges, its gifts, the resources you have.
Such listening is at the core of effective coaching.
Coaching works from the empowering premise that we have the resources we need within us – but that often we would benefit from some outside assistance to help us access them.
Coaching themes include:
- Identity and self-esteem
- Recognizing and acknowledging your strengths
- Seeking meaning
- My life purpose
- Overwhelm: too much going on
- Seeking balance
- Transitions from one phase of life to another
Self-esteem
Self-esteem comes from seeing yourself accurately, being authentic, being the person you were born to be.In the coaching environment, you are fully accepted, given permission to tell the truth of how things are, warts and all. You may have abilities or talents that you take for granted. Many people undervalue their natural talents simply because these gifts are as natural to them as breathing.
Identity
We wear many “hats” in our lives. We are someone’s mother, uncle, boss, employee, teacher or countless other roles that we play on the stage of life. That is fine, but it can be easy to lose track of who we are without such a hat. We can lose touch with our selves, with our inner voice and inner knowing.
A coaching space is one in which you can peel back the layers of the roles you play, the “stuff’”in your life, and anything that has prevented you from trusting your own inner guidance.
Meaning and Values
Values are that part of you which is you and which give meaning to your life. Although values are core to who we are and to what motivates us, they can get clouded over by distractions. A value is not a should or have-to.
The coaching environment provides a platform that assists in clarifying this intrinsic aspect of your being.
Life Purpose:
Student: “What is the purpose of my life?” Teacher: “Who are you?”
Your life purpose lies at the heart of who you are, just as who you are lies at the heart of your life purpose. It is not so much about what you do as the values that motivate you. Your life purpose is more like a direction and motivation than a destination. “To thine own self be true.”
Overwhelm
Too many irons in the fire? Overwhelm often stems from the things you put up with (tolerations) that drain your energy. These can be so much part of you that you don’t notice them until you consciously take a look at your life.
Clearing tolerations can be liberating but can also stir up the aspects of ourselves that have been “gracefully” hidden under the distractions or clutter. By handling tolerations, with your coach’s support, you free up time and energy to devote to a higher quality of life.
Balance
Balancing your life is not about only about time. It’s also about values. You may learn helpful ways to make better use of your time, but your life won’t become balanced until you also learn to determine what you truly value.
Transitions
Transitions, crossroads, endings/beginnings: all are part of the fabric of life. A coach can be your sounding board when making choices: your rock during stormy times: your wake-up call when you don’t hear your own.
Success
Being successful happens when every aspect of your life is an expression of your values at all times. You then create a life which is a true expression of what you stand for. Your inner guidance gives the X-Factor.
How is Coaching Different?
Coaching is not therapy, which goes into depth about various issues, usually dealing with the past. It is not consulting, which generally results in giving the client answers.
Coaching focusses primarily on the present as the springboard for the future. It enables you to determine your own answers through the work done in the coaching partnership.